Thursday, July 18, 2013

Busy July: need to learn how to hold the brake

This is how my days are like in the month of July.

(or every month?)

I read a lot of high ranking people saying that they regret on worked too hard and missed their time with their beloved family. I know I'm pretty much doing the same thing. My brain says there is a chance that I would be regretting the same thing in the future; but my heart says I should not slow down from running towards my dream. 
I guess it becomes something like a drug?  (workaholic?)


I was planning to post this early this week, before I heard the news of my grandmother passed away.

She hasn't been well for quite some time. 
Last month I went back to Hong Kong to visit her, I already knew it would be my last time seeing her.  Though I did spend some time sitting with her chatting for a bit, I knew it was not long enough as her granddaughter to express my love. 
Yes, I do regret on how I should have talk with her more often.  At my cousin's wedding, the day that she has long awaited for, I didn't even go up to take photos of just me and her.  (We did take group photos.)  Most of the time, I was busy drawing my cousin at my seat (we sat at different tables).  The afternoon before I left, we went for dim sum one last time.  Instead of chatting with her, again, I had my head down on my sketchbook finishing up three drawings for my friends...

Though I did hold her hands gently and said goodbye to her when I left to the airport.

I knew I should have spend more time with my family, however, I often use "working towards my dream" as an excuse.  Despite all these sacrifices, I still have not get my first step in the door (of my dream) yet. 
I used to be proud to be a workaholic, but now I started to think are all these work worth it?
In a lot of movies, the main character leaves home to go for his/her dream, then later finds out his/her true dream/happiness is back home (family or loved ones). 
So what was the point of going out in the first place? 
Is the end result, or the journey of realization that is more important?

I realized this situation, yet it is going to take a while for my brain/body to step out of this "workaholic mode".  (I've even said this for over a year now)

I still have a lot of work to do...

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